Sunday, January 30, 2011

I had a dream the other night, that there was someone else, someone else besides Daniel...

I have been having crazy dreams for several months now. Real, memorable dreams-- sometimes completely bazaar, sometimes coherent and worthwhile.  Of course all dreams are dreams, and the beginnings are never certain, but there usually seems to be understood premises that make the dream sensible, at least while you are in the midst of it.

So, I say all of this to set the context of this dream I dreamed. My life hadn't happened the way it had-- I believe I was older than I am now, though not even yet 25. Home was still all the things it meant to me before our wedding - my friends were the friends of my childhood, and I was still very close to my parents and siblings, and perhaps even still at home. I knew Daniel. I knew him well enough to have formed an opinion of his character, his personality and what was important to him as a person, but we had no formal relationship. In fact, in this dream, it seemed as if, perhaps, I had already said "no" to an offer. In the present time of my dream I was being pursued by another.

And so you are ready to hear it:
This man. my suitor, was perfect in all respects. He was godly and strong, wise and thoughtful, though certainly not boring. He was handsome, though I could not see his face. He had made a way for himself already, was rich,  and was several years older than I. My friends loved him, my family adored him, and I thought I did too.

So it happened one night that we went out for the evening, he and I. The restaurant was romantic and the food exquisite. We ordered wine before our meal, and with our meal, and after our meal. We were thoroughly enjoying the other's company, and savoring the evening, when he took my hand and began to tell me of his love. And before I knew what it was that was happening to me he was on his knees in front of me, with a large diamond in a velvet black box in his hand. 
I looked at him, and looked that the stunning diamond he was offering, but no joy sprung to my heart. I looked past his sincere face and saw Daniel, as if in a cloud, or a haze. It was as if I were seeing him as the perfection of himself -  I know not whether he was laughing or crying, or thinking... somehow, somehow it was the best of all three. Then I knew who it was I truly loved.
Perhaps I humbly apologized and calmly walked away, mindful I had just bruised the heart of a good, faithful man. But, I do not think I did, because I felt a sense of urgency, of near panic. I had to find him, wherever he was, so I began running, racing towards where ever I thought he might be....
We all know that rarely in dreams do you find what it is you are looking for, be it the hidden treasure, the lost child, or a haven from the attacking snakes, sharks or monsters. Dreams seems to have no way of escape or conclusion. Once you begin running it is a perpetual race, onward, forward... forever.

Yet somewhere in the midst of running I awoke. And beside me, resting peacefully in bed was my husband, my Daniel. I had found him. I nearly cried with thanksgiving as I wrapped my arms around him, and found a nook for my head on his chest. This was my husband, and he was better than even the perfect dream-guy.

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