Saturday, May 15, 2010

Our Story - Part XII

Daniel double majored in philosophy and religion, so naturally, during the four months of their friendship, Ashlee learned more names of old, dead guys than she ever thought existed, and more about eschatological theories than she really cared to know. One of the men that did spark her interest, however, was Soren Kierkegaard, a Danish philosopher in the mid 1800s. His belief that it took a “leap of faith” to know God became a common theme in their conversations. So, with Kierkegaard in mind, Daniel closed his letter,

“Will you take this leap? If you do I will be here to catch you.”

It was certainly to be a leap, yet very steadily over the course of the days between the time the letter arrived and his planned visit, God was working in her heart. Each day the conviction grew more and more sure, but the decision certainly didn’t come without struggles.

In his letter, Daniel suggested that the turmoil she would face in making this decision would not be primarily external, but internal; the most difficult object to overcome would be her own heart and emotions. As the days passed she realized more and more how right he was.

The thought that with the beginning of a courtship marriage could be within two years’ time, made her anxious. She wasn’t sure she was ready to be someone’s wife; she wasn’t sure she was ready to leave her childhood behind. One of the most difficult things to consider was her younger siblings. Her heart literally ached when she thought of not being home to see them grow and mature. But would she deny this man the desires of his heart (and perhaps the desires of her own heart) to stay home and love children who already had a mother and father. Would she be denying herself the blessings God could have planned for her through a family of her own, if she refused Daniel only on account of her little sisters and brothers? Maybe she should just tell him, “Not yet.”

Angela, always one to be completely honest told her flat out, “It’s selfish of you to say, ‘no, not yet’ just because you’re uncomfortable with the fact that you may leave home eventually. If everything else is telling you yes, then you shouldn’t torment him with waiting.”

And sometimes, many times a day, her heart did leaps and bounds across a cloud-dotted sky of dreams. Wonderings, ponderings, dreamings of a beautiful, glorious future. There have not been two weeks in her life that were more prayer-filled, or more quietly spent that these. Her mother was especially gracious in allowing her that extra time alone. She read (Ferguson’s Discovering God’s Will) and prayed and journaled, a lot, a lot, a lot. During those two and a half weeks she wrote over 11,000 words in her journal—27 8 ½ by 11 pages. All on one topic. All about one man.

When the count down hit one week remaining, and she was still certain she would say ‘yes’ despite some lingering hesitations, she signed online and smiled to see he was on. The day was rather melancholy for more reasons than one, and she was wishing for the space between then and Thanksgiving to evaporate so she could tell him her answer and be happy, encircled in his arms. She set her status to an old hymn, and he followed suit. She quickly realized a hymn battle had begun—who could pick the best hymn? They went back and forth for some time, with his hymns always speaking truth right to her heart. That was something she missed about him, and longed for again—to hear truth spoken to her in a way that she knew no other person was able to do. Impulsively she set her status, “I miss you.”

Daniel inwardly did a triumphant dance and replied, “B-) ----------<@” (it’s a digital rose, twist your head). But then she felt nervous, changed her status to a line from Amazing Grace and signed off.

A few days later, while working, she put up a new song that she had heard from Disney’s Anastasia.
 “We were strangers starting out of a journey, never dreaming what we’d have to go through. Now here we are, and I’m suddenly standing at the beginning with you.”
She meant it, but his eyes were never supposed to see it. They did though, and he called his best friend to have him google it for him. They were singing happy tunes all that day, “Dan, man, Dan! You’ve got her. You’ve got her man!” his friend told him.

His spirits were certainly heightened, so he wrote her a second letter, and had another friend send her a special song to woo her some more. These things only made her happier. She felt like a silly school girl waiting for summer vacation.

                                                           be continued...

No comments:

Post a Comment