A Miserable Worm

The Holy Spirit is reminding me right now that the Lord has a plan for my life, for each and every day, and though sometimes things may not go as I hope, planned or wished they would have, I should not complain. There's a wedding I wanted to be at today in Hudson, Ohio; and a reception in a quaint, familiar garage in Cleveland, Ohio, which is arrayed with white linens and tulle and tissue paper lanterns and twinkle lights that I wish I was dancing in right now. But I'm not. I'm here in Charlotte. Moping.

What happened to carpe diem, you know? Saturdays are usually fun for us. We turn on whatever college football game we can get on the tv, snuggle on the couch, read; plan for the upcoming week, or get odds and ends done around the house. (I know, we're boring). But for the last four days I've been sick in bed, and so one more day at home just makes my eyes roll. I can't wait for Monday.

At times like these I know I'm being ungrateful. I often feel like the contentious woman-- especially when I came downstairs earlier nearly crying (but really just whining) and said to my husband "I'm sad. I wish I was at the wedding!" He threw up his arms and gave me one of his gentle, but disapproving looks. That always convicts me.

And I'm reminded o how full of sin my heart is. "Desperately wicked" is not an understatement. Who am I to complain against the King of Heaven?

Daniel has this little notebook he carries around with him. It's for writing down what I call his "brilliant ideas." He has thoughts he wants to capture when he's on the go, and that's what that little book is for. Every once and awhile I peek through it, looking for tidbits of wisdom and encouragement. One quote I caught recently has stuck with me (obviously only in my head, or I wouldn't be writing this post, because I never would have been complaining to begin with, if it was in my heart).

"For every glance at oneself, one should glace a dozen times at Christ."

I don't remember who the original author was, but I don't think it really matters.

I think I've looked 12 dozen times at myself today, and now, at 8pm I'm finally looking at Christ.

What a mess!!!

And ironically, it's all because I wanted to go to a wedding. A wedding. Where a beautiful, radiant bride walks down the aisle to her adoring husband; where they covenant together til death parts them; and celebrate with feasting and jubilee.

Of all the things that should point me to Christ, the wedding should. Marriages are the best representation we have of what Christ's relationship to His people looks like on this earth.

But my heart is dirty and selfish when I forget to look to Christ. It's not just weekly, or daily that I need Him. It's hour-by-hour, moment-by-moment; because without him I am that miserable, wretched worm.

Thank the Lord tomorrow is His day. I know this sinner certainly needs refreshed!