Saturday, December 4, 2010

Unpacking Boxes of the Past

While going through some boxes of books that we have packed away I came across a box of my old journals. Among them was a poetry journal I kept for a very short time-- I am no poet! However, a certain poem stood out to me as I perused the pages of this book. I am sure the meter is all wrong, I have no idea how to grammatically write a poem-- so just read for amusement. The content was what was on my heart.

"Enough" by Ashlee Willeke
"A tale of old in the Garden of Edem
shows us the beautiful crown of creation.
It wasn't a flower, a star, or a dove--
God sent down for Adam a woman to love.
Helpmeet and lover, she was all he would need,
And through her beauty he'd cry
"You capitvate me!"

But Satan, the serpent, devised a plan.
He'd lie to the woman and destroy all her clan--
all the beautiful women who knew they were loved.
He'd lie to the crown, "You are never enough."
Broken and torn, shattered and sore,
Eve felt she would be forgotten.
Left out of place, alone, a disgrace
A failure to the one that she loved.
So, Eve made a choice to change all the world--
The serpent had won... or so it would seem.
But God had a planned He'd predestined to be.

Though Eve made a choice and failed the Lord
He had a plan to send down His Word.
The Prophet, the Priest, the glorified King,
The Shepherd and Savior, the angels did sing
of His sacrifice once upon the cross
to restore the heart that the woman had lost.
"My Darling," he says, "You captivate me
"Washed in my blood, how perfect you'll be!
"Look to my wounds, my hands and my feet--
"My side that was pierced
"Your heart's what I seek."

I don't clearly remember writing this, but I do remember more the period of my life where God taught me this principle. I've struggled all my life to do well at something, to excel. Somewhere before I was able to make a conscious decision (perhaps when I was five or six) I began hiding from things I did not initially succeed at, and if I had a natural talent for something I would not try too hard, because I feared the attention that would bring-- the attention that would make me nervous and fail again. I would not try too hard, lest I fail, let I lose, lest I get hurt. I was content to sing softly, to wear a mixed match outfit, to run slowly, to complain about my knees in gymnastics class, to ride the difficult horse, and even, into high school, not to study too hard, all so that I could be "safe"-- safe from criticism, and safe from too much praise. By the time I could understand this tendency of mine, it had already rooted itself in my life.

I have begun to understand the deepness of this issue of mine only recently as I have watched my little sister, Aliza grow into the spitting image of the little girl I was. Her attitudes and responses so often remind me of myself, and I can finally understand the fear that motivated me as a child, and shaped, for better and worse who I am today.

This poem spoke to me today because the lie that I listened to much of my life, and the lie that I still have a tendency to give ear to, is the same lie that has been whispered to woman since the beginning of time. "Don't you want to be like God?" He asks "Don't you want to have more wisdom?" "Don't you want to be better?" These lies hiss"You're not enough as you are."

But woman was good, very good in fact. She was the last thing that God created-- the crown of His beautiful creation. She was designed especially as He wished her to be.

Now, in a post-fall world Satan still breathes those lies. To me, and to all women. They manifest themselves in different forms. For me it's an ungodly fear of man. However, what we as women need to remember, is that in Christ we are more than enough. We do not fall short in any way. We cannot fail with Christ on our side. Our heavenly Father, our Maker, our Husband delights in us as we are. He delights in us so much that as we understand the depth of that our beauty grows and grows. We only become more lovely with time!

"You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God... you shall be called My Delight Is in Her..." ~Isaiah 62:3-4

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