Wednesday, August 24, 2011

bygones of summer

Well it's over. Of course not technically until September 23rd, or whatever; and if you're south of the Mason Dixon line you may just have another two full months of warm weather ahead of you... but anyone else with me: when school starts, summer ends?

My mind and emotions play tricks on me these days. Pregnancy hormones. I am extremely reminiscent. I'm also extremely expectant. 

I feel as if God holds so much for us at this moment, and here we are with our hands open, waiting for him to pour it all out.

Can I be honest for a moment? More honest than I've probably ever been on this blog. As much as I may talk about trials and suffering, I personally struggle with wondering why our life is so good, when others lives are so hard. 

There were several months where I felt like I was waiting for some tragedy to befall us. Surely, life couldn't continue to be so good! I hate(d) the gap our "ideal" life put(s) between us and those who struggle. I hate(d) that our marriage is so strong, while others try to piece back together what they've lost, or watch in tears as their greatest hopes and dreams fall apart. Why would God give us so much goodness? We want the hard life - give us the trials! - and leave all our friends alone. Remember, we're in the ministry! 

(The unanswered cry of the universe, why so much pain?) 

Then I started doubting our faithfulness - surely, if we were really living for the Lord, we would have trials. He would test our faith.

I was reminded, through my husband, friends, Scripture, and the Holy Spirit, that God gives and takes away, and that there is a time for every season under heaven.

I don't know why my life is the way that it is. But I do know, that just as much as I would be amiss not to praise God through the storm, I would be amiss not to praise Him in the sunshine

His plan is perfect and He is preparing us for a future we do not know. There's a bend in the road yet and we haven't a clue what's around it... but it's nice to be here, working, living, waiting, with our palms up and open, ready for whatever God will pour down. 

So here I am, summer changing to autumn, learning once again "in whatever state I am in to be content."

1 comment:

  1. inspirational post :) it's always great to remember that god gives and also takes away. humbling, for sure.

    i love these pictures of all the animals. they'll always have a soft spot in my heart and to see pictures makes me happy. the zoo is one of my very favorite places because of this... although it's also really sad, right? haha but yeah, really glad i hopped onto your blog. i'm likin' it a lot (uh... that picture of you and your husband at the top? i love it) off to go read more! ;)