Life: Hard. But beautiful.

Oh, it has been one of those mornings.

Project 365: One Hundred Thirty-six. Valentine's Day Gift.

9AM hits, and my teeth aren't brushed, my day 3 hair is a shiny mess, framing raccoon eyes and chapped lips. Hopes of making it to the gym are long gone, and the near-16 week baby bump is dubbed a "food baby" for the day. As if I didn't already use the bathroom enough, I'm chugging pint after pint of water to clear the head cold I've felt coming for the last 48 hours. I'm pretty sure my skin is going to smell like garlic soon, I've ingested so much of the potent stuff; and I wouldn't be surprised if I suddenly had a blue-ish glow from all the colloidal silver I've been downing.

Project 365: One Hundred Thirty-three. Laundry

The dishwasher was loaded, at some point this morning. But I've had to load it three more times, because the one-year-old finds such delight in pulling out every dirty spoon, and every sticky cup whilst my back is turned. 

The laundry is going, praise the Lord, but there was no time for sorting this morning. Blacks, whites, reds and blues. They're all in there together today. I never do that. And then I find a stray sock tucked behind the hamper. Oh, well. Too late now.

Project 365: One Hundred Thirty-five. Bath time with the duckies.

The baby's crying, whining really, at my feet, begging for food. I know it because as soon as I lift him he reaches, lips smacking, for the fruit basket, the pantry, the bowl of brown grapes on the counter. How can this child still be hungry?! A quick snack, some drops of silver in his eyes, a teaspoon down his throat, a snuggle, some kisses. 

Project 365: One Hundred Forty-eight. Latest Favorite: Cantaloupe.

10AM. Naptime!

The poor boy has been sick three times in one month. As if I didn't already feel like enough of a mess, I push back feelings of guilt and insecurity as I turn the shower on. Hot, steamy water runs down my achy body. Maybe we could just sleep all day today? But, that's not the rest I need, and I know it.

Project 365: One Hundred Forty-five. Photo shoot by some cherry blossoms.

I fight with myself as I shave my legs. Why is my baby sick again? I must be doing something wrong!...

It's all Satan, and I know it. All the things on my to-do-list pop into my head, but I know I need Jesus first. 

Project 365: One Hundred Forty-four. Saturday crock pot meal freezing.

Wet hair, bare face, jeans and the shirt from yesterday. I fall onto our bed, Bible and journal open. Time for just God and me.

Grace. Joy. Peace. Forgiveness. It all sweeps over me. The exhaustion I felt is covered with a blanket of peace. The guilt is gone, the insecurities vanish. He is all in all.

Project 365: One Hundred Twenty-nine. My love bug and his new grin.

And here we are, the first week of March. Snow flurries this past Saturday, but spring promised by the scent in the air, and the buds on the trees. This weekend marked a whole year in Rock Hill. Wow. 

Project 365: One Hundred Thirty-seven. First flowers in the yard!

We're looking forward to garden planting, story-time going, ultrasound-seeing, Baby gender-revealing, and summer get-a-way planning. Maybe this is the month little man will decide to walk?

Project 365: One Hundred Forty-two. Peek-a-boo!

I am thankful. Every day I finger the two little pearls on my Mama Bird's Nest necklace and thank God for these two gifts he has given us. My mind wanders to days yet to come when they will play, and roam and explore together. Best friends, I hope. And when I snuggle next to my husband every night,  sharing the activities of our day, and laughing over an old episode of Everyone Loves Raymond I am thankful, again, that I get to be married to my very best friend.

Project 365: One Hundred Thirty-nine. I get to be married to him. <3

Life: Hard. But beautiful. 

Love,

          Ashlee