Motherhood

It's late... I should be sleeping. My little guy will be up again in the next hour, and every minute of sleep is precious these days. But thoughts are bouncing around in my head at a million miles an hour, and I know if I were to lie down they would still bounce, and I would not sleep. So why bother?

"A mommy" . . . what I always wanted to be when I grew up. Ever since I can remember. And here I am.

I have arrived!

[Ha!]

Can I just say - it's wonderful.

I am daily filled with delight, with joy, with wonder, with awe. To care for and love this little one is such a blessing. I am over whelmed when I think that his entire being is dependent upon me and what I do or do not do for him. I clothe him, I bathe him, I feed him - physical needs. I make him feel loved, and secure - emotional needs.

{I wrote the above before Ralphie was two weeks old. And then, the post got buried beneath capturing pictures, moving, visitors and visiting, and daily activities. But all these weeks its been on my mind to finish these thoughts.}

Motherhood is a special blessing.

Being a mother is unlike anything else on earth. Of all the things I've ever done, nothing has come more naturally... and besides being a wife to my son's daddy, nothing has brought me more earthly satisfaction.

Ralphie and I have a special bond. It can't be helped. I can calm his fears, share in his little excitements, and soothe his tears like no one else can, simply because I am his mother.

What comes to mind most often when I think of motherhood is that it is a gift. 

To carry life is a gift. To nurture life is a gift.

And I am thankful.

Those first few moments Ralphie was here with us are pressed upon my mind and heart always. I hardly slept those first couple of days, because I could not take my eyes off of him. He was perfect in every way. I didn't want to set him down, or share him, or leave him for a moment. (I still don't, but I know it's best for both of us that I do.) I remember sitting up late in that hospital room holding him skin-to-skin and wondering how in the world I would ever want to do anything else. I remember fighting my drooping eye lids as 4am neared so that I could hold him longer. When the nurse came in to check that all was well, she asked if she could take him for me so I could rest. "O, no! We're fine." I said... even though I probably should have had some sleep.

But it was worth it - Sacrificing sleep to hold my babe through his first night here with us. (The next night he did go to the nursery for a couple of hours, and I have no regrets with that, either... sometimes you do just need to sleep so you can take care of your baby better, and there is nothing wrong with that!) I was, and still am, so extremely mindful of this vapor that is time. It lingers but a moment, and suddenly... my precious newborn is 3 months old. My tiny 36-weeker is a 13 pound ham with a double chin and a chubby belly!

I'm not rushing this. His babyhood will only be here for a time. I'm sure he'll be a wonderful two-year-old, but right now, he's just 3 months old. I'm sure when he starts to walk and talk it will be so exciting, but right now... he's only smiling and spitting bubbles, and that is wonderful. Eventually he'll learn to throw a football, and hit a home run - it'll be great, I know. But for just this month he's three months old, no homeruns, no teetering steps, no "mama" or "dada"s yet, and that's OK. In fact, it's perfect.

I am loving every moment of him just where he is.

Because in my heart I know, that in a blink yesterday will be ten years ago, and I don't want to miss a moment. Life is too precious not to savor... I only hope I can remember this bliss amidst the turmoil of the coming years. Not every stage is so tender and uncomplicated, but I am determined that each should be just as sweet. After all, doesn't our love for them only grow as the years go by?

So this first of Mother's Days for me I am filled with gratitude and love. I'm thankful that this child in my arms is mine. Here for me to love and nurture for as long as God has given him to us.